I've been waiting and waiting. I remember a gospel song that talked about "an uncloudy day." Gospel songs are good for making up new words. But you got the message.
I've been waiting for a pain-free day to talk about the lessons I've learned. I wanted to be able to speak in the past tense. Even if it was only for a day. That hasn't happened. So, okay - I've still learned (and am re-learning) some things.
God loves me. He knows I'm imperfect. He knows I'm immensely challenged by trust issues. And He loves me anyway.
Even in the worst pain, He's still there. This experience has been almost indescribable. Though anybody who's close to me knows I sure have tried. It's like nothing I ever imagined. But even at the worst, He was there. Sometimes I could only confess the Word in my head. Sometimes I confessed the Word out loud while my head was screaming, "I can't take this." But He was there. Sometimes I've felt outright crazy. He was still there.
And I don't mean He was there in a passive sense. I hate wimpy Jesus depictions. That's one thing I loved about "The Passion of the Christ." Even a movie critic's review I read described him as the buffest Jesus he'd ever seen. God is strong. But He wasn't with me strong and passive. I felt that strength flow into me. He upheld me. And still does. He's getting me through.
So, I'm not camping out in this valley. I'm not laying a foundation or even pitching a tent. I don't know what lies ahead. But one of the first Scriptures I ever learned as a little girl was Psalm 23 (KJV). "Yea, though I walk through the valley..."
Me and Jesus (you heard) are walking THROUGH. The valley of pain is not my permanent address.
I've been waiting for a pain-free day to talk about the lessons I've learned. I wanted to be able to speak in the past tense. Even if it was only for a day. That hasn't happened. So, okay - I've still learned (and am re-learning) some things.
God loves me. He knows I'm imperfect. He knows I'm immensely challenged by trust issues. And He loves me anyway.
Even in the worst pain, He's still there. This experience has been almost indescribable. Though anybody who's close to me knows I sure have tried. It's like nothing I ever imagined. But even at the worst, He was there. Sometimes I could only confess the Word in my head. Sometimes I confessed the Word out loud while my head was screaming, "I can't take this." But He was there. Sometimes I've felt outright crazy. He was still there.
And I don't mean He was there in a passive sense. I hate wimpy Jesus depictions. That's one thing I loved about "The Passion of the Christ." Even a movie critic's review I read described him as the buffest Jesus he'd ever seen. God is strong. But He wasn't with me strong and passive. I felt that strength flow into me. He upheld me. And still does. He's getting me through.
So, I'm not camping out in this valley. I'm not laying a foundation or even pitching a tent. I don't know what lies ahead. But one of the first Scriptures I ever learned as a little girl was Psalm 23 (KJV). "Yea, though I walk through the valley..."
Me and Jesus (you heard) are walking THROUGH. The valley of pain is not my permanent address.
2 comments:
I'm standing with you! Or rather, I'm walking with you.
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