And The Band Played On

I went to choir rehearsal last Tuesday evening, only to find out that it was the final one. Our choir was disbanded. The decision came down from on high (or somewhere) that none of the current (or future) smaller campuses would have an actual choir. We'll just have the front line (basically our worship leaders). I was not prepared for that. It came as a blow and definitely saddened me. However, when I examined my disappointment more fully, I had to acknowledge that it wasn't entirely centered around the choir's demise. It was also affected by my feeling of not having fully stepped up to the plate. It's seemed that there's been so much going on, so many distractions, that I hadn't been fully committed or participatory. I kept trying to "get back on track," but somehow the time commitment always seemed a little much, or I was too tired, or something else took precedence. It was like being torn in two. Our lead front liner told us that she was positive that God had already been speaking to each of us about our future direction, because she knew Him too well to believe that it was otherwise. As always, I feel pulled in different directions. All I know for sure is, I never feel more engaged or alive than when I'm worshiping Him. And the only instrument I have is my voice. So, I'll let Him lead.